1 . Be kind to yourself too!
I know you love me, but it’s a good idea to take care of your own needs once in a while. By your example, I’ll learn to take care of myself when I grow up.
2 . Help me to understand limits.
Part of my learning is to try to push back against you. It’s not personal! If you stay bigger, stronger, wiser and kind©, I can begin to understand limits and experience little bits of stress so that I’ll become stronger too.
3 . Remember that neither of us is perfect.
I’m going to make lots of mistakes as I grow, and so are you, and that’s okay! There are no perfect kids and no perfect parents.
4 . Help me manage my feelings.
I love it when you notice how I am feeling and tell me so by using words like angry, sad, happy, afraid, and surprised. It feels so good to know that you understand. Learning feeling words helps me manage my emotions and begin to understand how others feel.
5 . I am learning how to calm myself down but I need you to help me.
When you stay with me when I’m upset or not behaving well (“time-in” instead of “time-out”) it helps me learn how to calm down on my own. Once I’m calm, we can then talk about what happened. Tantrums are me feeling overwhelmed and if you stay by me and explain to me what I need to do, over time I’ll learn how to take care of my upsets and to behave better.
6 . Follow my lead when we play.
I need to create and play and I love having you with me! I know you are excited to teach me things, but when I am playing, I will learn more by exploring. You can make sure I’m safe by watching me and noticing me as I learn.
7 . Knowing that I am loved will never spoil me.
I might get spoiled if you can’t take charge when I need you to, and if you give in to all my wants, but I’ll be just fine if you stay wise and strong and take care of my needs.
8 . Give me all your attention at least some of the time.
To feel safe and secure, I need to know that I’m more important to you than a phone or computer.
9 . I need to know you’re there when I need a hug.
Hugs and holding me make me feel reassured. I love being able to rely on you.
10 . Believe in me.
I am learning so many new things everyday! See me, and notice my efforts. Even if I don’t succeed, you give me hope that someday I will.
What is attachment?
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”